My Goodreads and Amazon review of Bliss Road by Martha Engber (Rating 5) – Shedding the Sins of Our Fathers. My curiosity when I read Martha Engber’s Bliss Road: A Memoir About Living a Lie and Coming to Terms with the Truth was threefold. First, having inferred autobiographical elements in Engber’s fiction, I sought to confirm my hunches in her memoir. Second, as a developmental psychologist who got my Ph.D. when the study of autism was still in its infancy (Bruno Bettelheim was then blaming the condition on “refrigerator moms” and it would be decades before the role of heredity was acknowledged), I wondered how Engber would integrate her personal experience with emerging knowledge in the field. Third, recognizing in hindsight that my own late father would today be identified as “on the spectrum,” I sought to further my understanding of its impact on me. Engber satisfied my curiosity on all three issues. First, her father’s ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) clearly influenced Engber’s writing. Where he was socially clueless, she is an astute observer and recorder of emotions. Her fiction centers on human interactions, often raw and open. She brings that same unrelenting honesty to her memoir. The probing poems that introduce each section ask the questions — What? Why? — she sensed but couldn’t articulate as a child. As a writer myself (see my Amazon author page and Goodreads author page), I can spot Engber’s authenticity on every page. Second, Engber seamlessly integrates her own experiences with the history of autism research and the latest knowledge in the field. To her surprise, and chagrin, she discovered there was no research on the effect that ASD parents, especially undiagnosed ones, have on the development of their children. Although it is not inevitable, a troubled parent can shape a troubled child. The longer the potential damage goes undetected, the harder it is to treat. Engber offers practical suggestions to prevent or limit the inter-generational damage, such as offering parenting classes to those diagnosed with ASD where they can the learn skills to connect with their children. Third, seeing my own experiences reflected in Engber’s narrative was validating. I am sure that many readers will have that same jolt of recognition. Engber details her path to recovery and literally delivers a pep talk to readers to embark on their own journey. She admits the road is arduous but promises that it leads to a fuller life. From the book’s blissful conclusion, we have to acknowledge she’s right.
An honest confrontation with familial autism
Why writers read: “To find words for what we already know.” – Alberto Manguel